I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
