I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
