call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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