If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
