My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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