Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
