Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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