i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
