Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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