guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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