I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
