I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
