I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
