just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize