hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
