Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am midnight drunk by noon
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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