No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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