Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
