i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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