Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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