True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
