Whod you bang
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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