its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
