she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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