My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
