After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's paint friendship bongs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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