Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
