Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize