there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
