My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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