Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
