What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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