what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
