I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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