I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
