dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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