i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
