If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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