i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
