so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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