After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
