i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
