Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize