I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
