I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
