just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
