I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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