So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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