ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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