Betty ford says i'm here all night
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
