In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
