We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
