Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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