I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
