Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
