So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
