I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
