Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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