she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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