Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
