Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
