Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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