Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize