also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
