is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
