well I can't set my house on fire every night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
