3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I touched a dick in church today
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
