Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My breasts were aching with rage.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
