saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
