Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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