Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize