Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
