You really coming over, don't trick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
A+ Viking dick
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