New low: just hacked my moms facebook
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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